Living in a Fog

For the past 2 days mommyhood has really hit me hard.  I dont ever remember being this tired in my life, not even when Blake was a little guy did I feel this way. As I have mentioned we have been trying out some new techniques with Blake to help control his behavior, and it is physically and emotionally exhausting.

 He has really been pushing the limits, but seemed to be making progress at least while we are at home.  We have been doing time-out and he took it pretty well with me, but last night I told Jeff he needed to also be seen as a disciplinarian to Blake and not just the playmate.  Blake did not take this change in role well, he pushed every button possible with his daddy.  After a long battle of time-out and toys being taken away it ended with Blake going to bed early and without dinner since he chose not to sit at the table with the rest of us.

Adalynn also is going through a clingy phase and doesnt want to be out of my sight or arms, which is very tiring.  I tried to do an infant carrier with her and she freaked out.  I mean if the neighbors would of heard her they would of thought I was doing some serious damage to her.  She hasnt been taking good naps either maybe 45 mins at the most.  So it doesnt give me much of a break.

So moving on to today, the kids had their wellness checkups which all and all they got a good report. However, as soon as we entered the building I had my first challenge with Blake.

Blake sees his ENT in the same building as his regular doctor and usually when we see the ENT we use the stairs since it is just located on the 2nd floor, but his regular doctor is located on the 4th floor so we use the elevator.  Well Blake threw a fit because he wanted to use the stairs and he threw himself into a temper tantrum.  He wouldnt get up so her I am with my big 5'2" self carrying Blake, Adalynn in the infant carrier and my diaper bag down the hall.  The men in the building just looked at me like I was crazy, but thankfully there were some understanding women that helped and provided enouraging words.  Needless to say I was very embarressed.

Once we got into the doctor's office things werent much better, he didnt want to do anything the doctor or I asked, again I was thankful that the doctor seemed to understand and not judge me.  I truly am trying soo hard to be a good mom and raise him up right, but I am feeling like such a failure.  He truly is a strong-willed child.  My next action will be using a wooden spoon for spankings and taking it with me when we go places and letting him know that if he misbehaves I will use it.  My mom did this with us kids and I feel like we turned out pretty good so maybe it will work for Blake.

I truly feel though these past 2 days I am just living in a fog.  I am soo tired in all aspects that I barely have any energy to do anything, but just keep my children alive.  I am hoping as I continue to apply the techniques with Blake and Adalynn gets older that my life will slowly be less chaotic and more peaceful.  Fingers crossed :)